A Bit of a Do by David Nobbs

Author:David Nobbs [David Nobbs]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780007505784
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 1986-09-25T04:00:00+00:00

‘It’ll be embarrassing for you if yours grows up looking like Ted, won’t it?’ said Rita, as they watched Ted bolt behind the chimney breast. Their conversation so far had been cool and cautious.

‘Please, Rita. I did love him, you know,’ said Liz.

‘For several months. Your persistence does you credit.’

‘I’d have thought you’d be pleased I’ve left him.’

‘It makes me livid. You broke up my marriage, and for what? The moment he’s bankrupt, you’re off like a shot.’

‘That’s unfair.’

‘Is it? You shied away from the social disgrace like a terrified horse.’

‘That’s an exaggeration. I stayed with him for three and a half weeks after it happened.’

‘Do you want a medal?’

People tried to look as if they weren’t watching Rita and Liz. But the suave Doctor Spreckley, in the middle of a hilarious story about a ruptured spleen, which had never yet failed, realized that he had completely lost the attention of Zoë Brookes, the pale, thin but immensely tough ballet teacher, whose choreography had won plaudits for the Operatic over more years than she would ever admit to remembering.

‘It was an awful time,’ said Liz. ‘We had no money. We couldn’t go out.’

‘Millions have to live their whole lives like that,’ said Rita.

‘Yes, and I’ve realized how much I admire them,’ said Liz.

‘It’s a start, I suppose.’

‘You didn’t make it easy, Rita. He can be a difficult man.’

‘Really?? Thank you for the information! I hadn’t noticed that! But then I’ve only been married to him for twenty-five years. I had a lovely silver wedding anniversary on my own, incidentally.’

‘I want to say one thing, Rita,’ said Liz. ‘Please don’t blame Ted. This whole affair was entirely my fault.’

‘Ladies and gentlemen!’ called out the bluff Graham Wintergreen. ‘Ladies and gentlemen! Please!’

Silence fell rapidly. Graham Wintergreen stood on top of the steps that led up from the bar area to the restaurant area. People on the far side of the chimney breast moved round so as to be able to see him. Rita and Liz remained motionless. Behind Graham stood Harvey Wedgewood. Ted thought that if a photograph of Harvey Wedgewood’s face was blown up to enormous size, it would be difficult to distinguish it from the car park of the Crown and Walnut. Yet the women were drooling over him. He certainly was immaculately groomed. Ted felt that he ought to carry credits for make-up and wardrobe.

‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,’ said Graham Wintergreen, in a voice in which the last obstinate traces of a childhood in Rugeley still persisted. ‘Welcome to the golf club and our racing evening, on behalf of our splendid Theatre Royal, the so-called “Gem of Slaughterhouse Lane”. For those who haven’t been to a racing evening before, it works like this.’ Jenny and Paul returned, free of care and ready for fun. ‘We show you films of six races. You have the opportunity to bet on the tote – that’s me. Fifty per cent of all bets goes to the winners, the rest to our charity. We also auction off the ownership of all the horses in the race.

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